Lovegood's Shield
by Hazuzu
Summary: Luna Lovegood is prowling the halls of Hogwarts, providing protection for all who end up in her sights. But from what, and why?


This story was written for the Quarter-Finals of the Seventh Season of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. I'm writing as Chaser 3 for The Tutshill Tornados.

**Name of Round:** In It Together

**My task this round is as follows: **Write a story using your Chaser 1's genre/s from their first QL fic this season (Humor).

**These are the prompts I'm using to as a chaser to score some extra points:**

7\. [location] Library  
10\. [word] Tenuous  
11\. [quote] 'You did a very good job convincing her we were in love.' — Caraval, Stephanie Garber

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter.

Thanks to all my betas!

**Title:** Lovegood's Shield

**Words: **3,000 (GoogleDocs)

* * *

~End of Author's Notes~

* * *

The food was ash in Lavender's mouth. The chatter of her friends was like nails on a chalkboard. The bright lights were little more than fireflies in the void that was her head. She departed from the Great Hall with a muttered excuse and padded out, away from the din of happy people going about their lives without a care in the world. That was something she couldn't relate to, would never understand again.

She strolled down a stretch of corridor, her footsteps her only company as she slipped into the bathroom, placed her hands on the edge of the sink, and let the tears flow freely. She'd never been a pretty crier; her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks puffy, and her mouth twisted into a grimace.

"Lavender?" came a soft voice from behind her.

Lavender didn't even care to touch up her hair as she spun to face the intruder. "L-Loony? What are you doing here?"

"Following you. You looked quite upset." Luna walked to her side and watched her with an expression that said she understood. She knew what it was like to lose somebody. Perhaps… perhaps Lavender did have a kindred spirit.

"Of course, I'm upset!" Lavender sobbed as she wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve. "Ernie… my sweet, lovely Ernie..." It hurt even to say the name. "He broke up with me!"

"That's terrible!" Luna gasped, as she swung her patchwork bag in front of her and started to rummage through it.

"It hurts so much… I'm drowning, Luna! It feels like I'm drowning and… and..." Lavender paused as Luna pulled a feathery crown from her pack and placed it on Lavender's head.

"There." Luna smiled dreamily. "You're perfectly safe now."

"I...I..." Lavender glanced at herself in the mirror. "What?"

"I invented it. It's called Lovegood's Shield. I wouldn't have called it that myself, but Professor Flitwick says branding is quite important nowadays." There was grumbling from Luna's stomach, and she blinked. "Oh, that's right. I'm missing dinner. I hope you'll join us soon."

Lavender watched Luna waltz off, her bare feet smacking on the tile floor, and frowned at her reflection. Owl feathers didn't flatter her at all! How could Luna understand her pain if she couldn't understand her fashion sense? She tore the circlet off and started bawling all over again.

* * *

Cormac McLaggen strutted away from the Quidditch pitch half-clad in a pair of breeches, his pecs glistening in the cool autumn air.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like a Scouring Charm?" Katie Bell asked as she strolled beside him in her casual crimson robes. "It's just that Quidditch practice is quite exhausting and—"

"Relax, babe." Cormac smirked. "Girls like a bit of musk on a man."

"I'm not sure I agree..." Katie's nose scrunched up.

"Aww, don't get jealous, sugar." Cormac raised his eyebrows at her. "You know you're my second favorite in our year."

"Oh Merlin." Katie shook her head.

"Hey, I get it." Cormac shrugged his burly shoulders. "I think I'm cute. I know I'm sexy. I've got the looks that drive girls wild..." He gazed off at something in the distance. Exactly what he was watching wasn't certain, but it did look dramatic.

Katie Bell tried to follow his gaze. There wasn't much across the field to Hogwarts, just a couple of owls flying overhead, a gaggle of first-year students wearing some kind of feathery hats, and… Luna Lovegood, who was skipping away from them.

"Really?" Katie asked.

"Oh yeah. Really." Cormac hadn't stopped gazing into the distance.

"Any girl?"

"Any girl."

"Prove it, then." Katie pointed at Luna. "I bet you can't get a second glance from Luna."

Cormac looked over at Luna, and his forehead flared red with anger. "Her? You think I couldn't get Loony Lovegood?" He shook his head. "I'll show you who can and can't get a second look from a bloody lunatic." And then he was off, sprinting across the field until he arrived right in Luna's path. "Hey."

"Oh!" Luna came to a sudden halt as she beheld Cormac. "Hello. You're quite sweaty."

"Thanks." Cormac put a hand on his hip and let his muscles do the rest of the work. He didn't need to put much effort in for Luna Lovegood. "Most girls look ugly with a cork necklace, but you make it look okay."

"Thank you. I have had to add more and more recently, on account of the Nargles." Luna fingered the rope hanging from her neck, which was covered with enough corks to stop a sword. "They are especially troublesome on second Sundays. I think it's because people are more relaxed."

Cormac stared at Luna. "You think I'm hot?"

"Hm?" Luna peered at the boy, then walked around him in a full circuit, and nodded. "Yes, a bit. Would you like a Scourging Charm? I have my wand somewhere..." She reached for her bag.

"That's not..." Cormac huffed. "I bet you don't have a boyfriend."

"That's true!" Luna paused, her hand still stuffed into her bag. "Do you?"

"Wh—No! I'm a ladies' man!" Cormac flexed his pecs to prove that fact.

"Oh. Do you have a lady?"

"Not right now!" Cormac focused to keep his voice down. He couldn't lose his temper, not in front of Katie.

"Then we need to fix that!" Luna said as she retrieved a feather-covered headband from her pack and started to ramble about something he couldn't be bothered to listen to. Creatures attacking people, protective charms, something about quibbles…

"Do you want to go out with me or not?"

"Oh, no thank you." Luna flicked her wand, and the circlet flew up to rest on his head. "But you can keep this, for your protection. Make certain you give it to somebody else if you get a girlfriend because I can only make so many." She glanced up at Cormac, who was frozen in the wake of that flat-out denial. "Well, I must be going. I have to check the Owlery for materials, and they get terribly cross if I pluck them."

And then she was off.

Katie laughed in the distance.

* * *

"Have you heard about Loony Lovegood?" Seamus asked as he stacked another book in Dean's spindly limbs.

"Loony? She's a little odd, but, she's harmless."

"Harmless?" Seamus raised his eyebrows. "She's been finding everyone who isn't going out with someone and giving them hats."

"And?" Dean asked. "There's nothing wrong with giving people hats."

"It's bullying, is what it is." Seamus huffed. He tiptoed to scan the next set of shelves up. "You go around with one of those, everyone knows you're a loser."

"Okay, a bit odd, but you can just take it off, can't you?"

"Then she goes mental and starts talking about how you're gonna get attacked! If she sees you without one, she chases you and makes you put it on!" Seamus strained a little higher, reaching for the highest shelf.

"She forces you? Luna Lovegood?" Dean scoffed. "I've seen her in a few classes, and she's about as threatening as a damp Demiguise."

"That's not a thing. Stop trying to make that a thing," Seamus huffed. "And it's annoying besides, and I can't get this book!" He scowled at himself. "It's me dad's fault, this. If mam'd just married a taller bloke..."

"Well, I'm available." Dean winked at the shorter boy and got a roll of the eyes in response. "Look, why don't you go put these at the table, and I'll grab the rest?"

"Yeah, fine," Seamus grunted as the books were passed to him and trudged around the corner, his shoulders slumped with the weight.

Dean held up a finger as he browsed the books, trying his best to remember just what Flitwick had assigned them when heavy footsteps rounded the corner. It was Seamus and his eyes were flitting about like a rabid bee.

"Problem?" Dean asked.

"It's Loo- Luna!" Seamus hissed. "She's here, and I haven't got a girlfriend."

"Oh no, the mild embarrassment, the shame in front of all these people." Dean gestured down the empty path between the shelves.

"We can get out if we run."

"If we run in the library, Madam Pince is going to do a lot worse to us than put a hat on our heads. You remember what happened to Bobby Tables, don't you?"

"What? What happened?" Seamus stared up at Dean.

Dean leaned in, his voice a whisper. "She..." He inhaled. Seamus stared. "She..." Seamus's knuckles turned white. "She gave him detention because she's a librarian and not a Dementor. You prat."

"Arse." Seamus hustled to the corner, then right back. "She's here! She's coming here! She's gonna see us!"

"Oh no," Dean deadpanned.

"We've gotta stop her!"

"Or what?" Dean smirked.

"Or… we've got to, okay?" Seamus peeked over his shoulder. "We can… bookshelves… Hover Charm..."

"I'm not singeing my hair for you, Seamus."

"We can… we can..." Footsteps were heard on the carpet. "Kiss me!"

"Excuse me?" Dean stared.

"Do it! Now! Please!" Seamus stared up at him with eyes that wouldn't have been out of place in a charity advert. On one hand, some people frowned on that kind of thing. On the other… Well, he'd always been open-minded. So Dean leaned down, placed his hands on Seamus' shoulders, and kissed him like he'd never been kissed before. Mostly by virtue of the fact that he'd never been kissed by a boy. He tasted like the gravy they'd just had at dinner, and Dean hadn't expected a second helping.

The footsteps stopped at the end of the shelves. Dean and Seamus both peeked to see who was there and saw Luna, standing and peering at the two of them with her hand in her pack. They kissed a little harder. Dean felt Seamus' hand on his waist, and then the footsteps disappeared.

Seamus ended the kiss with a little shove and wiped his brow. "She's gone..." He breathed. "She's gone. We did it!"

"That we did." Dean nodded. "You did a very good job at convincing her we were in love."

Seamus, red-cheeked and panting softly, nodded. "Yeah. Yeah..." He took a second glance at Dean. "I'm gonna go… bathroom, real quick. Take a dump."

"Okay." Dean shrugged as Seamus disappeared, then turned to the books. Was it Melicamp's Fowl Magic? Or perhaps Rincewind's Tome of Celerity?

* * *

"We have to do something about Luna," Hermione declared as she settled at the dinner table beside Ron and Harry. Her bushy hair was crowned with a selection of strung-together feathers. It was a sight that had become all too familiar among the students, not least because Dumbledore had turned up to dinner with one.

"Do we, though?" Ron asked as he pushed his plate away from himself. "Do we really?"

"Harry, tell him." Hermione gestured to Ron with her head.

Harry looked at Hermione. "Why do I have to tell him?"

"Because..." Hermione sighed. "Because she's becoming a pest, and, much like Ron, only a few people can get through to her. Like you."

"Me? Get through to Ron?" Harry frowned. "Fat chance."

"You tell her, mate."

"But..." Hermione frowned. "We can't just sit by and let her do this."

"Why does it bother you so much?" Harry asked, as the sound of shuffling shoes filled the hall, and the rest of the students started to make their way out to whatever it is they were planning to do. "She's just being Luna."

"I know why." Ron held up a hand. "It's because she's been doing it in the library, and Hermione wants to study in peace."

"And you'd be struggling if I didn't," Hermione pointed out. "It's your grades you're sacrificing by not helping me."

"Why is she doing it in the library?" Harry asked, as Hermione rose from the desk and gave the pair of them an expectant look.

"I expect it's because people can't run away in the library," Hermione said.

Ron reluctantly pulled himself out of his chair.

"They've been running away?" Harry followed.

"I saw Parvati bolt up seven flights of stairs the other day," Ron said with a grin. "Luna was chasing after her, yelling about how she'd get shot. Wasn't sure if that was a threat, but I wasn't sticking around to find out."

The trio made their way to the library and surveyed it from the entrance. A few students were walking as quickly as they could to collect study materials, another couple were perched in dark corners, and a group of Slytherins, including Malfoy and his cronies, were sitting near the main doors, none of them clad in feathered hats. Not even Crabbe or Goyle.

"There she is," Ron said, as he pointed to Madam Pince's desk and the seat beside it.

Luna was sat there, a book by her side and a hefty pack hanging from across her shoulders. The sound of the door closing made her peer up, see the group, and give them a little wave.

"Oh no," Ron said, as Luna slipped off of her seat. "Hermione, give me your hat!"

"Will I?" Hermione mused behind the barrier that was Harry's body. "No, I don't think I will."

"Harry, tell her!"

Harry boggled. "What? Why do you think I can make her do anything?"

"Ron! Harry!" Luna smiled dreamily at the trio. "Are you dating anyone?"

"Er, well, you see..." Ron began.

"I'm not. And he's not, either." Harry jabbed a thumb in Ron's direction.

"Then you need Lovegood's Shields!" Luna retrieved two feathery crowns from her pack and held them out to the boys. Both reluctantly took them and planted them on their heads.

"Luna! This Shield business is getting a bit out of hand, don't you think?" Hermione asked.

"Out of hand?" Luna blinked at her. "What do you mean, Hermione? I think most of the school has protection now. It would be very rude to take them back now."

"But they don't need them," Hermione said, stressing every syllable. "Some nonsense about how they're going to be attack—"

"It is not nonsense," Luna said calmly. "Just because you don't know it doesn't mean it's nonsense."

Hermione looked at Harry. Harry looked back, then at Luna. "Er, Luna. What do the hats protect us from?"

"The Kyupyds!" Luna said. "They find people who aren't in relationships and shoot them!"

Harry looked at Ron.

"Never heard of 'em." Ron shrugged.

Harry looked at Hermione.

"I can't find anything of the sort, and Hagrid hadn't heard of them either. I expect," she said with pained patience, "it's something from the Quibbler, or else a result of Luna's tenuous grasp on reality."

"It isn't." Luna shook her head. "I heard some people discussing them while I was boarding the Hogwarts Express. They sounded like very nasty creatures, and father says that I should do my own investigations into unusual creatures for when I take over the Quibbler."

"What did these people about them?" Harry asked. "Besides the shooting thing."

"They can strike at any time," Luna explained, as she glanced over either shoulder. "They can fly. They have bows and arrows. And when they find people, they shoot them!" She paused. "And they look like little babies. I think it's to make people overlook how dangerous they are."

Hermione put a finger to her chin and furrowed her brow.

"So, how does… Lovegood's Shield protect people from that?" Harry asked.

"Arrows have feathers on them. So I thought… how can I stop people from being shot? Armor is expensive. Father says love potions aren't very nice. So I thought of how the Kyupyds must know if they've shot somebody already. They'd look for their arrows! So if everyone looks like they were shot, the Kyupyds will leave them alone."

Hermione let out the kind of groan usually reserved for deflated tires. "Luna, are you sure you aren't talking about Cupid?"

"Is that how you say it?" Luna asked. "There was a train leaving when I heard it."

"What's that, then?" Ron asked, peering around Harry.

"Cupid is a god who is commonly depicted as a baby, who shoots arrows that make people fall in love," Hermione said as she rubbed her temples. "Not a creature, there aren't hundreds of him, and the arrows don't hurt regardless."

"Oh..." Luna frowned. "I feel silly, now. Oh well. At least I got to practice my sewing." She bounced back with a full smile.

Hermione sighed. "Well, at least it's over now."

"Hang on," Ron said. "Just a minute. How come you weren't wearing one?"

"I don't need one." Luna smiled. "I'm in a relationship, but I thought it was my duty to protect everyone else."

Harry pushed his glasses up his nose. He couldn't think of anyone Luna might be dating. "Who is it?"

"You know her." Luna pointed to the nearby table. "Pansy Parkinson."

"Pansy Parkinson?" Ron bellowed.

Pansy Parkinson's head snapped up from the table. "What?"

"Ronald!" Hermione hushed.

"Pansy Parkinson!" Ron stared at Hermione.

"I said what?" Pansy yelled back.

"Ronald Weasley! Pansy Parkinson! Quiet, immediately!" Madam Pince's voice cut through the confusion like a sword.

"Yes, her." Luna nodded. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell her about Cupid. She didn't want to wear Lovegood's Shield or get shot and being my girlfriend was the only way to avoid both."

"Pansy… Parkinson..." Ron buried his head in his hands.

"Do I still have to wear the hat?" Hermione asked.

"No."

"Deal." Hermione removed her Lovegood's Shield immediately.

Harry helped Ron to remain standing and shrugged. "Right then. I guess we'll be off."

"Goodbye!" Luna waved at the three of them as they departed. They emerged in the hall outside the library with a still jaw-dropped Ron.

"Bloody hell..."

"I wonder," Harry said. "Would Luna make something like that up just to go out with someone?"

The three of them looked at each other and wordlessly decided that was a question they didn't want an answer to.


End file.
